The silencing of hate | Bad Astronomy | Discover Magazine

[I wrote this article for my friend Amy Roth, aka SurlyAmy, who has asked leaders in the field of skepticism to write about the recent surge of anti-women rhetoric. She posted my article on the Skepchicks site, and you can find links to the whole series of articles at the bottom of that post. I'm posting my piece here on my blog as well because this is a very important topic, and I want as many people to see it as possible.]


What the hell is going on in the online community?

If you?ve been reading or paying attention at all to any of the online cultures like skepticism or general geekery (scifi, gaming, convention-going, and so on), you?ll have seen astonishing and depressing displays of sexism. That?s been true for a long time. But recently some sort of sea change has occurred, and what we?re seeing now is a marked increase in outright misogyny and thuggery.

The examples are so distressingly ubiquitous I hardly need point them out. A woman gamer wants to make a documentary showing misogyny in video games, and she gets rape and death threats. Rebecca Watson calmly and rationally tells men not to hit on women in enclosed spaces and reaps a supernova of hate and irrational vitriol. And now we?re seeing death threats, rape threats, all kinds of violent threats, against women who are simply trying to improve the way they are treated at meetings as well as online.

This. Must. Stop.

I am a skeptic and a scientist. I know what?s it like to feel anger and frustration toward implacable forces I think are threatening my way of existence. You may feel this way about many things as well. And while you and I may disagree on some of these topics, the way to work out our disagreements is through the exchange of ideas via honorable words and actions.

Threats, dickery, bullying, hate, insults, mob-baiting, and humiliation are not honorable actions and must not be used. You want to change my mind? You want to win my heart to your cause? Then argue your case logically and based on evidence. If you have to resort to the kind of crap we?re seeing now, then maybe your convictions aren?t as rationally based as you think they are.

Look, I know people are angry. Some of them have the right to be. As I have said many times, anger is natural, anger can be warranted, and anger can be a great motivator. But it must not lead to hatred. Unfocused anger, uncontrolled anger, cannot lead anywhere but away from a goal. Once hatred leaks in through those cracks, rational discussion is dead.

I have seen precious few discussions on this where sooner or later (and usually sooner) the comments don?t devolve into spittle-flecked rhetoric. Even if the original article is well-reasoned, thoughtful, calm, and rational, the comments quickly fall apart. That is what hate does.

That?s unfortunate, but that?s the internet. There?s not a whole lot that can be done about that in general, because you cannot control how others act. But here?s what can be done in particular: you can control how you act. Don?t let the anger, don?t let the hate, get the better of you.

Internet discussion devolves quickly, but discussions in person tend not to. We know when we are facing another living, breathing, feeling person, but that knowledge is easily overwhelmed by emotion online. But the two are not separate: raging emotions online have real life consequences. Threats and bullying online don?t just go out into the ether. They affect real people, and can cause a lifetime of damage.

Don?t let the hate get the better of you.

I?ve been quiet about this up until now for many reasons. Whenever I dip my toes into this miasma the overwhelming response is been vicious and hateful. Even many people who claim to be critical thinkers dive into the ichor and become part of it.

But I decided I can?t stand by and watch this anymore, and that?s why I?m writing this now. My friend, Surly Amy, has been posting a series of articles by men speaking out against this incredibly disturbing trend toward violent rhetoric, and the post by Dale McGowan, Executive Director of Foundation Beyond Belief, really struck home:

Silently shaking my head does nothing. The women under this kind of attack can?t hear my head rattling, so they can only assume I don?t care, when I actually care deeply. I think it?s the difficulty of putting this massive, deranged genie back in the bottle that keeps so many of us quiet. But that?s a poor excuse that only keeps the victims feeling isolated and besieged.

This.

If you threaten violence against someone you disagree with, then you are not a critical thinker. You are not a skeptic. And you are most certainly not a decent human being.

If you disagree with someone, fine. You may be right, you may be wrong. But if, when expressing your disagreement, you bully, threaten, verbally or mentally abuse the person you?re arguing with, then you?re doing it wrong, and you need to stop.

Maybe you?ve heard me say this before, but it?s just as relevant now as it was in 2008, and it always will be: Don?t Be A Dick. If we can just start there, we?ll get a lot farther along the path of understanding and mutual benefit. And from there we can get on with the real work of making the world a better place. For everyone.

Source: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2012/08/20/the-silencing-of-hate/

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The Promise and The Threat *Reservations/Sign-Ups*

The Promise and The Threat

Vampires would no longer roam the streets and attack innocent civilians, as long as the blood was provided for them. So ?Blood Escort? service buildings were constructed.

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Hate these scenarios... Apocalyptic vampire takeovers with minimal resistance and all that. Why? I don't know. I just feel that humanity is just too good at waging war to knuckle under like that. I know that the military would be deployed stateside with a gun-truck at every stoplight should something like this brew up. Having been a part of the war machine, I think that I'd only be inclined to cave at political defeat. Perhaps not even then.

/Self-absorbed Rant

Protect and Serve

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SylentStand
Member for 1 years


SylentStand wrote:Hate these scenarios... Apocalyptic vampire takeovers with minimal resistance and all that. Why? I don't know. I just feel that humanity is just too good at waging war to knuckle under like that. I know that the military would be deployed stateside with a gun-truck at every stoplight should something like this brew up. Having been a part of the war machine, I think that I'd only be inclined to cave at political defeat. Perhaps not even then.

/Self-absorbed Rant

If you hate them, why even comment? Nobody's forced you to click on, or join...And this is just for FUN. It's not meant to be 100% realistic. That's why it's about VAMPIRES.

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RoseAmedori
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I'll reserve for human 4 please :)

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TrueLilShooz
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TrueLilShooz wrote:I'll reserve for human 4 please :)

Um...Human 4 is actually taken :) It says on there, you must have just not noticed it :)
Are there any other characters you'd possibly be interested in? :)

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YoureStillAnInnocent
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OMG I just saw it XP my bad Human 1 please then

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TrueLilShooz
Member for 0 years


TrueLilShooz wrote:OMG I just saw it XP my bad Human 1 please then

Haha, it's fine :P I'll go reserve it now :)

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YoureStillAnInnocent
Member for 0 years


Can I reserve the FC Avril Lavigne?

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youloveme?
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youloveme? wrote:Can I reserve the FC Avril Lavigne?

Yep, sure :)

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YoureStillAnInnocent
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I love this but can i add in a FC of Logan Lerman ?

"With great party comes great cleaning responsibilities." - Luke Gallagher, SLiDE.

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Fruity_Loopsxx
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Fruity_Loopsxx wrote:I love this but can i add in a FC of Logan Lerman ?

Sorry, I'd prefer to keep the characters I have as the only characters, and I'd prefer to keep the FCs that I have, me and my friend spent a lot of time figuring them out.

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YoureStillAnInnocent
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Navigating the Rocky Ground of Her Relationships? ? Her View ...

Posted by Heather on 21 Aug 2012 / 0 Comment

I am a rock! I ammm annn Iiiiiisland??

Okay, sorry I?ll quit singing Simon and Garfunkel. It?s been a crazy week about relationships and right now I?d like to be that rock.?

For example, the day I picked my daughter up from her first day at public school, I had fears of her being lonely, bullied, or upset. I was so completely wrong. The first thing she said to me was, ?Mom, when you drop me off at school tomorrow, can you make sure you are dressed and your hair is a in a ponytail??

What? Where did that come from? Licking my wounds, I ignored her remarks as I waved at a close friend who drove by.?

Strange, she always says hi, she must be busy. I saw her again later that afternoon, ?Hi ?.., how are you???

NO RESPONSE. Really. As if that wouldn?t bug anybody, friendships, business relationships and more gets worse?

Late in the evenings, we keep our bedroom door open, it seems to be when our oldest is chatty and wants to talk about everything under the sun. Like clockwork, she strolls in at 11:30 pm to tell me that school is a lot like the movie Mean Girls. Her new friend Laura helped her with the ins and outs of public school. Cheyenne learned about the clicks at school, including the druggies, the mean girls, the emo?s (a.k.a emotional kids with a dark side), the plastics, the jocks and the good girls who don?t really have any one set of friends but they all hang out together.?

I?m just thankful she made friends and is surrounded by good ?eggs?. :-) I know how hard school is,?especially?when we have to do it alone. The rest of life is that way too. We need friendships, we need someone to talk to, who lets us know we are okay or a little off?take your pick.

?As the week progressed, the three of us (me, Jen and Leslie) had a bit of a hissy fit with each other. I won?t tell you who?s temper started it. The rest of the week resulted in me, myself and I sulking around the house. I hate feeling alone and dismembered from every relationship I?ve ever known (Yes it sounds so extreme but that I how I felt. A.L.O.N.E.).?

Why are we such relational creatures in the first place? Why does having friendships have to be a part of who I am? ?A friend of mine is a licensed therapist (No?I don?t need one?often), she says friendships for women gives us a place to stand, ?that?particular?someone to helps hold our sanity intact (if not just loosely), and creates a safe place to be ourselves.?

Friendships are hard and like it or not?we are defined by who we surround ourselves with. It?s part of our identity, and it takes work. Which is yet another mom thing where I make it clear to my kids how valuable another human being is. And why they need to value each other. They are stuck as a family and they may as well enjoy it.?But?a smiling face, a person who knows the deepest, ugliest parts of us and still calls us a friend?.they are the type of people that make friendships worth it.?

??But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine. ~Thomas Jefferson.

?

Source: http://herviewfromhome.com/navigating-the-rocky-ground-of-her-relationships/

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Grammys go country for nominations concert

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The Grammys are heading to Nashville, the capital of country music, for the first time to announce nominations for the biggest awards in the music industry, organizers said on Tuesday.

The Recording Academy said the show, which intersperses the naming of nominees with performances from leading musicians, will air live on the CBS television network on Dec 5.

Grammy organizers began televising the nominations in a live show five years ago in a bid to boost TV viewership for the annual Grammy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles in February.

In previous years, the nominations concert took place in Los Angeles. But the Recording Academy president, Neil Portnow, said it was time to celebrate Nashville's musical heritage.

"Nashville's rich musical and cultural history is so important and vital to our industry, and indeed to the world," Portnow said in a statement.

Nashville, home to the Grand Ole Opry and dozens of recording studios, is considered the cultural center of country music, which has spawned dozens of young cross-over Grammy-winning artists in recent years such as Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood and the group, Lady Antebellum.

The 55th annual Grammy Awards will be held in Los Angeles on Feb 10, 2013.

(Reporting by Jill Serjeant; Editing by Bob Tourtellotte and Jan Paschal)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/grammys-country-nominations-concert-180417270.html

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FREE IS MY LIFE: Blogging & the City 2.0 (Part 8): @Staples ...

This is the story of how Staples & UPS got 26.5 Ibs of Swag back to Detroit for $20...

This is the last post in my series "Blogging & the City 2.0" where I recounted all my?adventures?at the BlogHer12 conference in New York City. ?And today, I decided to end this series by telling you a funny story about Swag.

When I attended my first Blogher Conference back in 2010, I discovered BlogHer has some great Swag. For those of you who don't know what swag is, in this case, it is FREE items that are given to conference attendees. But what I also discovered is, when you fly to a conference, you better choose your swag very carefully since you will need to pay to ship home whatever you cannot fit in your luggage.

This year, Laura (from LauraInTheMotorCity.com) and I prepared for the possibility of bringing home extra Swag. ?Since Laura travels more than I do, she has a Delta SkyMiles Credit Card that allows her and her travel mates to check a bag each on Delta for FREE. So both of us took a big piece of luggage to the conference. When we weighed the luggage at the airport, we found out we could bring home 20 pounds of Swag each without going over the weight requirements for FREE bags.

So I was very selective in what I took home from the conference and my bag was actually way under the weight requirement (see me patting myself on the back).

Sometimes Swag just happens...
During the conference, Laura wanted to attend a special fitness event hosted by Bowflex to introduce their new CoreBody Reformer? by Nautilus, Inc. During this event, we got to exercise with celebrity trainer Jennifer Galardi who showed us all the ins and outs of using the CoreBody Reformer?.

This unique fitness product combines three popular exercises into one: Yoga for flexibility, Pilates for muscle strength and dance for calorie burn. I have been exercising for years - running, walking, and lifting weights - and nothing prepared me for this machine. Within 10 minutes I was sweating like a pig and was out of breath like I had run a marathon.

Part of working on the machine is that you have to balance yourself like a gymnast in the Olympics - this makes you find your center. I kept falling off (totally embarrassing) and when I finally got my balance, I had to add in the hand straps (which are really 3 to 12 pound weights) and then I started falling off again. By the end of the hour, I was exhausted and every part of my body had been worked out.

After class was over, we were all sitting on the floor recovering when the BowFlex team announced?they were ready to start the giveaway for a CoreBody Reformer?.

Did I mention each?CoreBody Reformer? is $250? ?HOLLA!

Now the odds of Laura or I winning was good because there were only eight bloggers in the room and they were giving away four CoreBody Reformers. So when my name was called I was over the moon - till I realized I had to get a 26.5 pound exercise machine back to Detroit.

Now if you remember my swag post from BlogHer10 (How UPS Saved my Swag), Laura and I took our swag to a UPS Store two blocks from the Hilton and I paid around $30 total to ship everything home. So I already knew UPS was a great way to ship for a good price. ?So I decided then and there we were going to take the CoreBody Reformer to the UPS Store immediately to get it out of the way.

The best laid plans can go wrong quickly....
So I hoisted the 26.5 pound box on my shoulder and carried it two blocks to the UPS Store - but the store was not there - OMG. So here I am in Midtown Manhattan with a 26.5 pound box and no UPS Store.

So Laura pulled out her iPhone and found the nearest UPS store was now another 3 blocks away. I asked if she could walk it to see how far it was since blocks in Manhattan can go on forever. She did not return for 10 minutes - help me!!!

So as we are standing there wondering what to do, Laura looks over and sees the Staples store across the street. Since, unlike me, she is still in her right mind, she remembers that Staples stores have UPS shipping inside. So I put the box on my shoulder and pray this next plan works out.

I love Staples !!!
We get into the Staples store (with my big lovely box) and go over to the shipping counter. As they are weighing the box, I am praying. And what was my total cost to ship my CoreBody Reformer from New York to Detroit? $20 and change. I could have hugged that Staples store employee.

So if you are going anywhere where swag is king, I suggest you use UPS and that you map out the nearest Staples and UPS stores - before you leave the hotel :)

Thanks Staples and UPS for your reasonable prices, your many convenient locations and your quick shipping. You saved my swag and I love for it!!!

And I hope everyone enjoyed "Blogging and the City 2.0." ?Now stay tuned for tons of product reviews and giveaways from brands that I met at the conference.

Enjoy!

Follow FREEISMYLIFE on Facebook

Source: http://www.freeismylife.com/2012/08/blogging-city-20-part-8-staples-ups-are.html

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The Fifth Console ? Malstrom's Articles News

Reader, it is time for you and I to have a little chat about the future of gaming. We are on the verge of the birth of The Fifth Console. Its growth will be rapid, and everyone will ignore it this generation. But at the dawn of the Ninth Generation, this console will be seen as a rival to the other four.

The first three consoles are what you think: the Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft consoles. The fourth console is PC gaming and not exactly a console as it does not directly compete. Yet, PC gaming indirectly competes with the dedicated game hardware. In a similar way, the Fifth Console will not directly compete with the first four consoles. However, it will be draining entertainment dollars and the gamers? free time.

The Fifth Console is the unleashing of gaming?s graveyard. Thanks to the magic of digital distribution, the old games will compete with the new. But it is not fair to say it is PC Gaming as PC hardware seems irrelevant to them. These Fifth Console games seem to fly to hardware people don?t even realize such as the 386 still in the closet or to Linux systems. And since computers can hook up to television sets with a variety of controllers, what difference is there between this and the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3? Very little as the Xbox and PlayStation are essentially computers hooked up to TVs anyway.

This Fifth Console will be confused with Retro Gaming. Yet, brand new games will be released for it so the Fifth Console can?t exactly be defined as a graveyard of games. Since the games will have no DRM, they may not even be Windows games or be played on a PC. Soon, all old console games will be available on the Fifth Console.

The Fifth Console has one incredible advantage over the other four consoles: time. The Fifth Console is DRM free gaming which frees the games for any platform. The hardware for the Fifth Console cannot ?run out of a lifecycle? as with other consoles.

When you look at GoG.com?s library, you find hundreds and hundreds of games. It would take a lifetime to go through them all.

?But those are PC games.?

OK, how do explain SEGA?s games entering the Fifth Console then? At DotEmu, a little GoG competitor, SEGA has started to sell its console games to the Fifth Console. I expect other companies to follow. I expect Konami to sell its Hudson?s Turbographx 16 games to the Fifth Console.

?I don?t understand this Fifth Console. Don?t you mean Steam??

No. Steam is a part of PC gaming. The Fifth Console has no DRM so the games are free of PC Gaming and the hardware of the dedicated game consoles (SEGA being the first).

?Why are these Fifth Console games any concern? I don?t see what has changed here.?

The gaming market has always been the current game content of these four game consoles. Do you see old game console games on sale? How about old PC games? You don?t see them because they don?t sell even with the Virtual Console and other download options. The reason why they don?t sell is because they are attached to the console company (or on the PC side, attached to some form of online DRM). The Fifth Game Console floods the gaming market with these games at a very cheap price point. Why pay $60 for a hyped up game you are unsure about when you can pay $6 for a game everyone says is ?a game for all time??

The Fifth Console is essentially the Anti-Console. It does not tie the games to anything. Not to dedicated hardware. Not to Windows. To nothing. If software requires an Internet connection to install to your game, it belongs to PC Gaming. But if the software doesn?t require a connection and lets you do whatever you wish, it is *unique* and very different. The Fifth Console is timelessness. DRM has many disadvantages, the chief among them is tying the game to time itself (be it the hardware of the console or the operating system in the PC).

The three main consoles are like a walled garden. PC Gaming is like a garden with gates. But the Fifth Console is a garden with no walls. No disks or DVDs to lose. No hardware to stash in your closet.

The Fifth Console will be my console of choice for the Eighth Generation. It will be difficult for the four other consoles to compete with it. Keep in mind that iTunes music didn?t really take off until it was offered DRM free.

If you thought the Seventh Generation challenged the view of what a game console is, the Eighth Generation will surprise everyone.

Like this:

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Source: http://seanmalstrom.wordpress.com/2012/08/20/the-fifth-console/

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Turkmenistan launches second political party

ASHGABAT (Reuters) - Turkmenistan launched its second political party on Tuesday, a token nod to democracy unlikely to pose any challenge to the absolute rule of President Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov in the reclusive, gas-rich Central Asian state.

The 300-member Party of Industrialists and Entrepreneurs held its inaugural meeting two years after the president ordered the creation of a multi-party system in the ex-Soviet republic.

State media reported that Orazmammed Mammedov, a member of the Union of Industrialists and Entrepreneurs - which itself was signed into being by the president last year - was elected chairman of the new party.

Known as Arkadag, or The Patron, Berdymukhamedov is president, prime minister, commander of the armed forces and leader of the Democratic Party which, until now, was the only legally registered political force in Turkmenistan.

Analysts are skeptical that the 54-year-old qualified dentist plans to relax his tight grip on the desert nation of 5.5 million people bordering Iran and Afghanistan, which BP says holds the world's fourth-largest natural gas reserves.

Turkmen opposition activists live in exile and rights groups regularly rank the country among the world's most repressive. Human Rights Watch said in its latest annual report that media and religious freedoms were subject to "draconian restrictions."

Keen to win investment for the country's gas ambitions, Berdymukhamedov has taken steps to bring Turkmenistan out of the isolation that accompanied the eccentric rule of predecessor Saparmurat Niyazov, who banned opera and renamed the months of the year.

In his first public comments after winning re-election in February, Berdymukhamedov said he aimed to build a market economy and multi-party political system. He has also approved the creation of a third, agrarian party.

Berdymukhamedov extended his term by five years by winning 97 percent of votes in the February 12 election, which was shunned by the Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe because of its lack of competition.

Berdymukhamedov set himself up against seven token challengers drawn from government ministries and state enterprises, several of whom openly praised the president's achievements prior to the vote.

(Writing by Robin Paxton; Editing by Mark Heinrich)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/turkmenistan-launches-second-political-party-114003006.html

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    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 7

    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 7

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    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 5

    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 5

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    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 4

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    Natural Weight Loss Remedies Part 6

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Big Bang theory challenged by big chill

[ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 20-Aug-2012
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Katherine Smith
k.smith@unimelb.edu.au
61-383-447-263
University of Melbourne

The start of the Universe should be modeled not as a Big Bang but more like water freezing into ice, according to a team of theoretical physicists at the University of Melbourne and RMIT University.

They have suggested that by investigating the cracks and crevices common to all crystals - including ice - our understanding of the nature of the Universe could be revolutionised.

Lead researcher on the project, James Quach said current theorising is the latest in a long quest by humans to understand the origins and nature of the Universe.

"Ancient Greek philosophers wondered what matter was made of: was it made of a continuous substance or was it made of individual atoms?" Quach said.

"With very powerful microscopes, we now know that matter is made of atoms."

"Thousands of years later, Albert Einstein assumed that space and time were continuous and flowed smoothly, but we now believe that this assumption may not be valid at very small scales," Quach said.

"A new theory, known as Quantum Graphity, suggests that space may be made up of indivisible building blocks, like tiny atoms.

"These indivisible blocks can be thought about as similar to pixels that make up an image on a screen. The challenge has been that these building blocks of space are very small, and so impossible to see directly."

However Quach and his colleagues believe they may have figured out a way to see them indirectly.

"Think of the early universe as being like a liquid," Quach said.

"Then as the universe cools, it 'crystallises' into the three spatial and one time dimension that we see today. Theorised this way, as the Universe cools, we would expect that cracks should form, similar to the way cracks are formed when water freezes into ice."

RMIT University research team member Associate Professor Andrew Greentree said some of these defects might be visible.

"Light and other particles would bend or reflect off such defects, and therefore in theory we should be able to detect these effects," he said.

The team has calculated some of these effects and if their predictions are experimentally verified, the question as to whether space is smooth or constructed out of tiny indivisible parts will be solved once and for all.

###

The team of James Quach, Andrew Greentree, Chun-Hsu Su, and Andrew Martin is supported by the Australian Research Council, and their research was published in the latest edition of the journal Physical Review D.



[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

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AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


[ Back to EurekAlert! ] Public release date: 20-Aug-2012
[ | E-mail | Share Share ]

Contact: Katherine Smith
k.smith@unimelb.edu.au
61-383-447-263
University of Melbourne

The start of the Universe should be modeled not as a Big Bang but more like water freezing into ice, according to a team of theoretical physicists at the University of Melbourne and RMIT University.

They have suggested that by investigating the cracks and crevices common to all crystals - including ice - our understanding of the nature of the Universe could be revolutionised.

Lead researcher on the project, James Quach said current theorising is the latest in a long quest by humans to understand the origins and nature of the Universe.

"Ancient Greek philosophers wondered what matter was made of: was it made of a continuous substance or was it made of individual atoms?" Quach said.

"With very powerful microscopes, we now know that matter is made of atoms."

"Thousands of years later, Albert Einstein assumed that space and time were continuous and flowed smoothly, but we now believe that this assumption may not be valid at very small scales," Quach said.

"A new theory, known as Quantum Graphity, suggests that space may be made up of indivisible building blocks, like tiny atoms.

"These indivisible blocks can be thought about as similar to pixels that make up an image on a screen. The challenge has been that these building blocks of space are very small, and so impossible to see directly."

However Quach and his colleagues believe they may have figured out a way to see them indirectly.

"Think of the early universe as being like a liquid," Quach said.

"Then as the universe cools, it 'crystallises' into the three spatial and one time dimension that we see today. Theorised this way, as the Universe cools, we would expect that cracks should form, similar to the way cracks are formed when water freezes into ice."

RMIT University research team member Associate Professor Andrew Greentree said some of these defects might be visible.

"Light and other particles would bend or reflect off such defects, and therefore in theory we should be able to detect these effects," he said.

The team has calculated some of these effects and if their predictions are experimentally verified, the question as to whether space is smooth or constructed out of tiny indivisible parts will be solved once and for all.

###

The team of James Quach, Andrew Greentree, Chun-Hsu Su, and Andrew Martin is supported by the Australian Research Council, and their research was published in the latest edition of the journal Physical Review D.



[ Back to EurekAlert! ] [ | E-mail | Share Share ]

?


AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.


Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2012-08/uom-bbt082012.php

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Communication in a relationship | The Caribbean Current

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect ? the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised.

There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.

Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.

Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication

1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.

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Listening and Feedback

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Did I say what I meant to say? ? Invite feedback to clarify communication.?Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

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Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.

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Don't argue when you're angry ? you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind. It's important to give feedback ? checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.

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If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

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Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style ? hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)

Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)

Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)

Giving in (passive, submissive)

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

Constructive Style ? trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)

Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)

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When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

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When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn?t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

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1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn?t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don?t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as ?I feel?? rather than ?I think you??

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don?t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn?t work ? go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.

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Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

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Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour ? it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

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19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person?s worth as a human being. ?Avoid statements which begin with the words ?You never ?? or ?I think you ??.

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with ?You always ??

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you ? especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, ?you shouldn?t feel like that.?

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person?s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

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Summary

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.

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About The Author

Michael Brady is web entrepreneur and is currently running a very popular dating site (Dating In Ireland). He wishes to coach people on some skills that will make them more prepared for an online dating experience. The author invites you to visit:http://www.datinginireland.singlescrowd.com.

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Source: http://www.thecaribbeancurrent.com/communication-in-a-relationship/

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